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Wednesday, 23 May 2018

The Fine Art of Detachment

You learn early in life (or at least, you should) not to become 'attached' to places, things...even people.  Your long curly hair that you had for nine years give or take....cut off and laying on a hairdressers floor.  The house you lived in for the first twelve years of your life...your castle, your fortress, your fairy land, your security blanket...sold out from under you.  Your adored grandparents, here one day and gone the next.  And so the message is driven home..if it can happen once it can happen again so...don't get attached.  Stores and services that were like family to you now gone.  Landmarks that marked your passages through life, disappeared.  Promises made and broken.  Don't get attached.  And so when someone asked me how I could be considering selling our home of 32 years and moving, asked me if I wouldn't be devastated to leave it, I just laughed.  I haven't had a 'home' since I was twelve, just places to live.  When I was asked how I was holding up to the fact that my hair in my old age was thinning and disappearing I said it didn't bother me one iota.  I haven't cared about my hair since I was nine years old.  I'm used to the idea of things just disappearing ....aren''t you?
I suppose this may all sound  a little negative but I think of it more as just 'living in the moment'..enjoying what 'is' right now and then moving on.

29 comments:

  1. It's a balancing act, though. I went through two break-ups in long term relationships that have really made me not even look for another long term relationship. I catch myself holding back from getting emotionally attached to anything.

    And that's probably no way to live.

    It's a balancing act: Allowing yourself to care while realize that whatever it is will be cruelly taken away from you in the end.

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  2. You're on the right track. It's all just stuff, though it is good to wear semi-appropriate clothing to leave the house. And, a red hat.

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    1. The best I can do there is make sure I\m well covered lol.

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  3. A work in progress. Some things I can be detached from. Other things? Epic fail. And losing them hurts so very badly.

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  4. Excellent and reflective post. Things come and go in life. Mark Twain thought traditional wedding vows should include a warning that some day, "one of these hearts will break". I wake up in the morning and remember this and that from the amnestic edge of night. I think of those who helped shape me and withdrew --because they couldn't help it. Lately, due to being post-operatively doped, I've found delirium most instructive. One thought just leads to another. Then, by and by, I find the moment and join the day.

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    1. As time goes by I hope you find yourself more and more 'in the moment'.

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  5. Everything is temporary, I think maybe the trick is to just enjoy what you have while you've got it.

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  6. Life changes, people leave, and sorrow happens. I am glad, though, that so many lovely people were in my life and I had those wonderful moments with them. As far as loss goes, Willy Nelson has a new song out now called, “It’s Not Something You Get Over, But it’s Something Get Through.” It is beautiful and so true.

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  7. You've lived there for 3thirty-two years, that's twenty years LONGER than your first home, yet you don't consider it your home??
    To me, that's weird. The longest I've lived anywhere is eight and a half years, followed by my current home (yes, it's my HOME) where I have lived for almost seven years now. I have all my things around me and it's a safe haven from the outside world. It's where I come when I'm "going home" from anywhere.

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    1. I may CALL where I live home for want of a better term but it is still just the place I live...no attachment. When I leave here I won't even look back.

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  8. Ignore that stray 3 in there.

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  9. I'm attached to certain things...I wish I wasn't but it is what it is...I am who I am. And I'm very attached to my two furry, four-legged mates....very...and they to me. :)

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    1. Life..human or animal...is the hardest not to form an attachment to.

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  10. "I'm used to the idea of things just disappearing ....aren't you?"

    No, but I didn't experience the kinds or numbers of losses that you have. Maybe that makes a difference.

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  11. Yes, the home of the first 18 years has been subdivided. Parents and grandparents gone. Kids out there in the world. Ditto grandkids.
    Memory gone. Then again, I have been keeping a journal/blog since 1974...my madnesses are all right there out in public for all to see. Then again, I inherited everything from two victorian families, and when G's parents died, he took what he could be comfortable with. My hair is thick and curly for the very first time with a new shampoo. And I have a home with G where ever he is....I assume I will die first. Then again, if you want something that changes all the time but doesn't, visit the beach. :)

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    1. LOL...if I go to the beach you can be assured it will be 'under cover'.

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  12. Life changes, we move on ...
    Yes, some folks feel a strong wrench when they move while other's don't.

    Isn't life what we make of each day?
    I'm doing my best to take each day by both hands, be the best I can be and share it with loved ones.

    All the best Jan

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  13. There’s a lot to be said for enjoying where you are while on the way to where you are going, knowing it will be different soon.

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    1. It's true...really appreciate everything right now...because tomorrow it may be a strip mall.

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  14. Yes, most often it is best not to get too attached to anyone or anything as everything and everyone evolves. Things grow and things fade and wither; things delight and things disappoint; things come The circle of life? I like to live as a minimalist, living in as much simplicity as I can, enjoying each day without things to clutter my mind, my time and my energy. My heaven on earth right here right now.

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  15. The 'anything' is easy...it's the 'anyone' that is tough at times.

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  16. We've been in this house for 47 years, and I'd be perfectly happy to live here until the day I die. But if we were to move, I'd be fine with that. (Well, that isn't entirely true. I don't even want to THINK about the horrors of moving all our crap.) It's been a good place to live, but when you get right down to it, it's just a structure. A thing. And I get attached to people, not things. Not even a house.

    You're right, of course. Everything is temporary, but knowing that something or someone I enjoy today may not be here tomorrow won't ever prevent me from enjoying the right now. I wanta carpe the hell out of the diem.

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It's lovely to know someone else is out there. Please leave me a comment...pretty please.